Some people pour out their testimonies, some do not know where and how to begin. For some people, their testimonies are full of grace and joy, for others, full of pain and tears. How should I categorize the testimony of our family? Story upon story; crisis upon crisis, I too, do not know how to begin. Hidden within the deepest pain, is God’s abundance grace. Behind celebrated joys are many tears.

The path of this testimony is one that nobody yearns to tread. Yet more and more readers pursue to read the grace and development behind this testimony.

March 8, 2005, Glory called me from the dorm at her college. Her voice was shaking. She wanted to come home immediately for further examination at the hospital. I knew this was going to open another chapter of suffering in her life. That night, she rode home to NY alone by public transportation. Long before she arrived, I was waiting at the bus terminal. Scenes from the painful past kept surfacing in my mind….the painful cries Glory let out after the effects of anesthesia was over(she was 14, and had just undergone a surgery for her bone cancer); vomiting uncontrollably in the bathroom (the year she graduated from high school, she went through 8 months of chemotherapy from the reoccurrence of her bone cancer)….cutting for her what was left of her hair….the difficult movements as she struggled towards the bathroom……

Intertwined into these painful memories were also exciting ones: she refused to quit school, and wanted to graduate alongside her classmates…. She was announced honor student the day of graduation….. With the help of a cane, she approached the stage for her diploma…..driving her to the college of her first choice, Wellesley…..her telling me she pulled straight As in her first year…..in order to earn some pocket money, she went with her friends off campus, trying to get a part time job, going from store to store….. finally she was accepted for internship by a hospital specializing in the study of cancer, and by the cancer research lab of MIT.

Time after time, Glory’s will power pulled through. Should this time be an exception? Worse comes to worst, if the bone cancer should come back, we will fight it again. That was my thinking. The next day, March 9, we arrived the hospital early. She was immediately given blood tests and bone marrow tests. The half hour of waiting for test results stretched on like half a century. The doctor’s voice shaking, when he told us the worst scenario had appeared. It was an aggressive form of blood cancer that demanded immediate treatment, extremely life-threatening.

Being a pastor, I prayed. But my reaction was similar to most people. I was in denial, anger in my heart, my thoughts went blank, I was at a total lost. I immediately thought of this brother from church who is a blood specialist by profession. After reaching him by phone, I arrived his hospital and showed him the biopsy result from the bone marrow tests. His comment was the same,

“Be psychologically prepared, this is an aggressive type of blood cancer, I am very sorry…”   Then he was silent.

“Nothing you can do?” I pressed. I was hoping to at least hear a few words of comfort, those commonly used by Christians. Maybe because I am his pastor, these words of comfort were supposedly understood.

All he could say was again, “Sorry, be psychologically prepared, blood cancer that comes from chemotherapy is very tough to treat.”

On my way home, I wailed in the car. I asked God if I had made the wrong decision to have Glory go through chemotherapy, which now resulted in blood cancer.

Had I make a wrong decision and put her in such painful dilemma?

At that moment, a voice in my heart seemed to urge me on, “Drive faster, crash, and this will be all over!”

“Drive safely…” The voice of my brother smashed my previous thought.

I did not sleep at all that night. I went to her bedside and knelt down to pray. My hands trembled, I could not utter a word.

Avoidance is often the first solution that comes to mind in times of difficulty. But it is the worst solution. Without further thought, my daughter opted for chemotherapy. In the morning, we immediately headed for the hospital to begin the excruciating pain of chemotherapy.

Today, we are facing again what we went through 2 years ago.